A few days before Christmas, I saw this tweet:

“So writing from the perspective of a woman is a lot harder than anticipated.  Any advice?  #amwriting #amwritingfantasy #writerslife”

I decided to help this poor guy out.  I replied and asked what information he was looking for.  (There is a lot I could try to explain about women, but that would take much more than several tweets of 140 characters each.)

His question was:  What is a girl thinking when she’s talking to a guy that she is interested in?

When I helped him, I somehow felt like I was betraying my gender.  But it was for the good of artistic quality.  I couldn’t have this guy writing a female character that wasn’t believable.  Plus, he’s writing fantasy.  I couldn’t let him down.

I thought his reaching out over social media was a brilliant move. So I broke the girl code.  Sorry ladies.  I hope he uses this information for good, not evil.

My response was something like this:

She will worry about how her hair and makeup and clothes look.  She’ll worry that she is laughing too loud or too often or not enough.  She’s hoping she is not boring the crap out of him.

If she happens to run into him at the grocery store, she will curse herself for wearing her fat jeans, not putting makeup on the pimple at the end of her nose, and forgetting to pluck that long chin hair.

She will pretend that she doesn’t care what the guy thinks of her, but she does.  Painfully so.

So much so, she’ll twist her head at an odd angle so he can’t get a glimpse of said chin hair, and she’ll cut the conversation as short as possible so she can get the hell out of there.  When she gets home, she’ll punch her pillow for two hours, and complain to her cat.

Am I right, ladies?  If you disagree, before you lambaste me for making women seem shallow and insecure, think back to when you were 18 or 19, and that hot guy said hi to you.

I think you’ll agree.